Sunday, June 13, 2010
This Meditation was meant for you, too
Marj could have been me. So could Miriam. I'm a distant relative, a mennonite, and about to publish my spiritual journey in an autobiography if I have the strength to get it in to the publisher who's accepted it. My point of view and finding of light might have been a comfort to her, who knows? We share experience of being brought up in a fanatical community where shunning is so frightening one would often rather be dead than endure the pain of it. I tried to end it, too, and fortunately didn't manage. There WAS more and I began finding it at 50. I'm 64 now, on the other side of lost, hopeless decades driven by (1) grief (2) determination to make my own connection with God if I could keep myself alive that long. "Mental illness" - for sure. Whose?
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The above refers to the tragic death of Marj Toews (discussed below by a Winnipeg Free Press columnist). My suicide attempted in 1979 was greeted with anger by the doctor who sewed me up again. My hope began at age 50, when I reached out for therapy after my husband left me. I knew there was so much more to look at than my freshly broken heart and life. I wrote about it for someone like you, Marj, perhaps? And now it's too late to share it with you, just in case it would have comforted you in any way. This touches me like you were my sister, dear.
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